I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
