Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Pooping to opera.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
