last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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