The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
