i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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