She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You made out with two different species that night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
