Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
