lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
