Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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