wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
