question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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