I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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