she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
