You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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