with your own penis?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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