to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
