Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
