I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
