I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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