i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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