I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
