I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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