he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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