I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
