Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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