My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
