You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
