I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize