Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
