I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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