im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
