Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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