could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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