I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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