No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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