i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
