Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
