It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
