apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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