note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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