if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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