And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
