Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
