Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
