I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
