Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize