is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
