and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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