NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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