you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
