HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
