3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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