We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
