Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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