his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
