you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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