When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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