This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
