i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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