I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize