Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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