im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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