dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
