I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
