yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
