Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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