By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
