the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you traded sex for a burrito?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
