He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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