Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We're too hungover to prance.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
