i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
