Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize