omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
