her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
