I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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