no, he came in my armpit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
