It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
