We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
